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D&D Episode 3 :: The Quest for the Erotic Pangolin

Posted by NerdyShow on December 23, 2009

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erotic pangolin lrgThe Nerdy Show crew is back with our first “Fan-Inspired” adventure, The Quest for the Erotic Pangolin. A real creature, the pangolin is basically a spiky anteater with razor sharp scales. Why would it be erotic? What will CHAIR do to it? What will Jen’Ifer do to make sure he doesn’t have to see it? Only one way to find out… listen in!

UPDATE: This episode has been fully remastered! Hear the original version below, or listen to the fully restored audio here.

Tracks:

  1. Carol of the Bells :: Sephire
  2. Kefka Goes Carnival :: NoppZ
  3. Dead on the Dancefloor :: UltraViolet Sound
  4. Hungry Like the Wolf (Duran Duran cover) :: Reel Big Fish
  5. A Fine Place to Live :: halc
  6. Alien For Christmas (Fountains of Wayne Cover) :: I Fight Dragons
  7. Thunders (ACDC vs Prodigy) :: PingPong
  8. Bubble Decision :: Mustin & Dale North
  9. Love Hurts :: djpretzel
  10. I Hold Your Hand In Mine :: Tom Lehrer
  11. I’m Too Sexy (Right Said Fred Cover) :: Scared of Dinosaurs
  12. K.K. Sex-a-Peel :: Mustin

DUNGEONS & DORITOS FAN ART!

Dungeons & Doritos Character Sheets & Bios:

Chair :: Jamela :: Jen’Ifer :: Vimak

CHARACTER BIOS!!!

  • Marc

    Oh god. Mike drew this picture didn’t he? There’s more penises than I could imagine Cap or Hex drawing, and Brian would just die on the inside.

  • no_sushi

    Yes! I’ve been waiting forever for the episode to come out. More comments to come after I’ve listened to the podcast. Rock on, guys!

  • no_sushi

    Gasp! It seems as though none of the downloads are working! Even the podcast download from iTunes 🙁

  • OmniG

    this one was disgustingly delightful…. but Hex was rollin’ like Dual Core with the Natural 20s

  • LordShotGun

    Are thoose boobs/nipples all along the side of the poster? Well I looked forward to this episode and all the other ones to follow it.

  • Cap

    @Marc
    Actually, I’m proud to be responcible for the image. Ha ha. T-shirts anyone?

  • Brother

    I died a little inside when I saw that image.

  • Invisible_man

    To help if you’re having trouble with the spirit companion…
    Defences of a spirit companion match those of the shaman as it is a conjuration. If a spirit takes more than 10 + half shaman’s level damage on a single attack then it vanishes and the shaman takes 5 + half level damage. If a single attack does less than 10 + half level damage the spirit is unaffected.
    E.g. 3 goblins: A, B and C attack a spirit of a level 1 shaman. A misses but B and C hit. B does 9 damage so no effect but C does 10 damage and the spirit vanishes. The shaman takes 5 damage as a result.

  • How much money does a farmer get for selling one chicken?

  • Akaela

    @Cap
    T-shirt? Do it, the old you would and I’d buy it.

  • Orabilis

    I would just like to say that after being directed here from nuklearpower.com the 8-bit theatre site I listened to the first episode and then named my 4th edition Goliath Barbarian VIMAK (always in capitals) Stonehands he is level 7 now and kicks ass. If you want ill post up a character sheet or some approximation thereof.

  • Cap

    @Orabilis
    That’s amazing, Orabilis!

    Yeah, post that sheet. Let VIMAK jr. make his still-L1 daddy proud.

  • Ramiel

    First, I’d just like to say I’m really enjoying these. Although I must admit that the reason I’m posting is to point out that you didn’t list Reel Big Fish’s cover of “Hungry like a wolf”, even though it’s in the episode.

  • sean

    i so want some Doritos now

  • Joe

    ZOMG they said my name! I giggled like a school girl on the inside. I will name my first born Chair Pilk cause you guys are awesome. My G/F will undoubtibly agree because if she doesn’t I’ll ‘roll to bang her’ till she does.

  • Orabilis

    @Cap

    Vimak Stonehands (Unaligned Goliath Rageblood Barbarian lvl 7)
    Hp:68
    Bloodied: 34
    Surge Value: 17
    Surges/day: 11

    21 str
    17 con
    11 dex
    10 int
    10 wis
    8 cha

    Skills: Trained in: Athletics (+15) Endurance (+11) Intimidate (+13(see equipment))

    Feats: Goliath Greatweapon Prowess (+2 damage on all simple and military 2-hand weapons)
    Weapon Focus (Hammer) (+1 damage with hammers)
    Weapon Expertise (Hammer) (+1 attack with hammers)
    Power Attack (-2 attack +3 damage with 2-hand weapons)

    Equipment:
    +2 Force Maul (p69 Adventurers Vault)
    +2 Veterans Hide Armour (p55 Adventurers Vault)
    Lvl 6 Iron Armbands of Power (+2 damage on all melee attacks (p117 Adventurers Vault))
    Cincture of the Dragon Spirit (Belt, make Intimidate with Str not Cha (p165 Adventurers Vault))

    Powers: ALL POWERS COME FROM PHB 2
    At-Will Powers:

    Devastating Strike:
    Accuracy vs AC: +5(str)+2(magic weapon)+2(proficiency)+3(half-lvl)+1(weapon expertise)-2(power attack)=+11

    Damage: 2d6(weapon)+1d8+5(str)+2(Greatweapon Prowess)+1(weapon Focus)+3(Power Attack)+2(magic weapon)=2d6+1d8+13

    Standard Action, One Target, Melee Weapon, Target gains +2 to hit Vimak unless Vimak is Raging.

    Recuperating Strike:
    Accuracy vs AC: +5(str)+2(magic weapon)+2(proficiency)+3(half-lvl)+1(weapon expertise)-2(power attack)=+11

    Damage: 2d6(weapon)+5(str)+2(Greatweapon Prowess)+1(weapon Focus)+3(Power Attack)+2(magic weapon)=2d6+13

    Standard Action, One Target, Melee Weapon, Gain Constitution Modifier temporary hitpoints or Con Mod+5 if Raging.

    Encounter Powers:

    Bloodletting:
    Accuracy vs AC: +5(str)+2(magic weapon)+2(proficiency)+3(half-lvl)+1(weapon expertise)-2(power attack)=+11

    Damage: 4d6(2[weapon])+5(str)+2(Greatweapon Prowess)+1(weapon Focus)+3(Power Attack)+2(magic weapon)+3(if enemy is bloodied)=4d6+13 OR 4d6 +16

    Hammer Fall:
    Accuracy vs Fort: +5(str)+2(magic weapon)+2(proficiency)+3(half-lvl)+1(weapon expertise)-2(power attack)=+11

    Damage: 4d6(2[weapon])+5(str)+2(Greatweapon Prowess)+1(weapon Focus)+3(Power Attack)+2(magic weapon)=4d6+13

    Target is knocked prone on a hit.

    Tide of Blood:
    Accuracy vs AC: +5(str)+2(magic weapon)+2(proficiency)+3(half-lvl)+1(weapon expertise)-2(power attack)=+11

    Damage: 4d6(2[weapon])+5(str)+2(Greatweapon Prowess)+1(weapon Focus)+3(Power Attack)+2(magic weapon)=4d6+13

    Attack deals 1 extra damage for each enemy within 3 squares of Vimak.

    Swift Charge:
    Upon killing a foe Vimak may charge as a free action once per encounter.

    Daily Powers:
    Rage Drake’s Frenzy:
    Accuracy vs AC: +5(str)+2(magic weapon)+2(proficiency)+3(half-lvl)+1(weapon expertise)+2(if enemy is bloodied)=+13 OR +15

    Damage: 6d6(3[weapon])+5(str)+2(Greatweapon Prowess)+1(weapon Focus)+2(magic weapon)=6d6+10

    Half damage upon a miss, Enter the Rage Drake’s Rage (lol) whenever an enemy is dropped make a free action melee basic (+11, 2d6+13).

    Silver Phoenix Rage:
    Accuracy vs AC: +5(str)+2(magic weapon)+2(proficiency)+3(half-lvl)+1(weapon expertise)=+13

    Damage: 4d6(2[weapon])+5(str)+2(Greatweapon Prowess)+1(weapon Focus)+3(Power Attack)+2(magic weapon)=4d6+13 Fire Damage Ongoing 5 Fire Damage (Save ends)

    Half damage upon a miss, Enter the Rage of the Silver Phoenix gain regeneration 3 and during the first time Vimak is knocked unconscious in the encounter Vimak may spend a healing surge as a free action.

    Rage Strike:
    Usable Twice Daily, Only When Raging

    Accuracy vs AC: +5(str)+2(magic weapon)+2(proficiency)+3(half-lvl)+1(weapon expertise)=+13

    Damage: 6d6(3[weapon])+5(str)+2(Greatweapon Prowess)+1(weapon Focus)+2(magic weapon)=6d6+10
    OR
    Damage: 8d6(4[weapon])+5(str)+2(Greatweapon Prowess)+1(weapon Focus)+2(magic weapon)=8d6+10

    First damage bar if expending Rage Drake Rage, Second if expending Silver Phoenix Rage. Half damage upon a miss.

    Utility Powers:
    Stonebreaker aka Fists of Steel (Heavy from Team Fortress 2 reference):
    +5 on strength checks to break things and double damage to objects until end of turn.
    Encounter, Minor Action.

    Indomitable Shift:
    Shift 3 squares gain 1d10 temporary hit-points plus 1 for each enemy within 2 squares
    Daily, Minor Action.

  • Hex

    @ramiel

    i could have sworn that i posted that reel big fish were on there… darg changing now

  • Phrozt

    Following your wiki link, I find it quite fitting that the Pangolin is referred to as a “bush meat.”

    Also, despite Galwhoever’s successful bowel movement, it still sounds like he’s got some vicious blockage in there.

  • Neal

    I don’t know why I keep listening to these but I do. I feel like Brian here. I am the guy going “oh god, just kill him”.

    Also I found that picture a whole lot cooler before I read the comments and realized the dicks in the picture.

  • Phrozt

    Aww dood.. I totally saw the dicks. How could you view anything that involves chair and not expect dicks?

    This was another fantastic episode though. I wish you guys would just put out a crapton of these, because they’re interesting enough, but low-key enough to be the PERFECT background noise while I’m coding :).

    Well… until my co-workers ask my why I’m cracking up (I try hard not to laugh, but fail miserably).

  • Cap

    @Phrozt
    zomg “bush meat” amazing! How did we not see that! (definitely going to reference this somehow)

  • Cap

    @Neal

    And therein lies the beauty.

  • Fenrir

    Dear god this is amazing! Sickening, but amazing nonetheless… Impossible not to laugh… Keep it up!

  • Sutr

    why is brian’s ac so low being a defender if he has hide armor he should at least have 17 ac and if he has a shield that should be 19.

  • Sutr

    sorry mean mike

  • Bob

    Because he is naked.

  • Matasm

    I gotta say I absolutely love the podcasts, these have gotten me back into playing D&D, so as a small thank you, I present, Chair humping the tree rat thing!

    [IMG]http://i952.photobucket.com/albums/ae9/matasm/Chair.jpg[/IMG]

    heres a direct link in case it doesn’t show http://i952.photobucket.com/albums/ae9/matasm/Chair.jpg
    sorry bout the colors, I had to do this with magic markers…

    • Cap

      @Matasm
      This… is… AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!

      I just this moment added a fan art section! Just.. this… MOMENT! Are you psychic? Did our alpha waves telepathically cascade against one another on the astral innerwebbs? INSANITY!

      Such a great pic! I love the magic marker colors. Know what that is? Authenticity! Real DIY elbow grease.

      Hats off to you Matasm!

  • Cap

    @Matasm
    Added to the gallery!

    FAN ART:
    http://nerdyshow.com/?page_id=584

  • Matasm

    More fan art, slowly working through the party… its a fun way to unwind before I have to get to work and draw more… Hope you enjoy

    Cuz he is VIMAK!!
    http://i952.photobucket.com/albums/ae9/matasm/Heisvimak.jpg

  • Cap

    @Matasm
    Holy shit dude! Oh we enjoy… damn! You do us a great honor.

    Thanks so much!

  • abk

    where is the next campaign must have more humor from the doritos side 🙂

  • Cap

    @abk
    Heh heh, that would be telling! Suffice it to say we’ve got a savory cache of delicious titles still keeping fresh for the next round.

  • Matasm

    Really looking forward to the next Dungeons and Doritos installment, I’m pretty sure that if my girlfriend hears the words Erotic Pangolin one more time I’m going to end up in three different dumpsters across the city… Regardless of my impending death here is a water color of everyones scary strangely named warlock… Interesting story, I was going to hold off on the last two members of the group until the next podcast so i didn’t look like a creepy kinda loser, but someone walked off with my wacom stylus, keeping me from getting any real work done today, so let my loss be your gain! 😛
    http://i952.photobucket.com/albums/ae9/matasm/Jennifercopy.jpg

  • Cap

    @Matasm

    Duuuuude! Dude. Dude, seriously. This is awesome.

    Surely your noble tributes will earn you a place in Valhalla. I mean, if it were up to me anyway. This is phenomenal and, as always we’re massively flattered.

  • Vista

    Is it just me or does Vimak using Wolfbear as an attack remind you of Rinoa from FF8?

  • W

    I have some idea’s for adventures, or at least a title. For example, you could make an adventure with the title, “The Quest for the Purple Mcnugget.” Reply if you want any more ideas, and is there any other way that you would want me to contact you?

  • Vodhozk

    Just got Jen’Ifer’s name (probably extra late on that though), and it was rather good recycling by Brian to combine two things from 8BT (which were essentially the same at one point.) To hopefully reach the same conclusion I did, the following link, supposedly supported by Brian: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Characters_of_8-Bit_Theater. Furthermore, why can’t Jen’Ifer just kill Galdap?

  • Cap

    Hey guys, did you know that the Pangolin art is quite large? The image is now clickable to reveal it in all its glory.

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