Plot: centuries, possibly millennia into the future, Earth has been ravaged by the GLAMPIRE, aka David Bowie, who has turned the world into a veritable wasteland for his own mysterious purposes. On a distant planet, the genetic descendants of Soviet space-dog Laika are desperately searching the universe for their origins.*
Using the Far-Fetch teleportation gate**, the dog race covertly sends an exploration team to Earth, who are transformed by the GLAMPIRE into the bestial charicatures of themselves, the Diamond Dogs.
Some time later, the dog’s home planet sends a second team, who do not yet realize that they are a rescue team. Assaulted by the Diamond Dogs, they retreat to the Far-Fetch. Their leader, DING-O, makes the controversial decision of destroying the Far-Fetch to prevent the Diamond Dogs from getting back to the dog planet. The explosion from the device’s quantum entanglement technology imbues the team with light and lightning-related powers, giving them the ability to beat back the Diamond Dogs. The team has to acclimate themselves to Earth, building resources and finding allies with which to fight back against the Glampire.
*—melding BigBad’s earlier with suggestion with some of the ideas tossed around in the podcast, this home planet could have been thrown further into chaos due to a war with a wolf-like race that does not have any ties to or belief in humans, and the desperation from this war could be another impetus for the dogs searching for Earth.
**—it wouldn’t make sense for a rawhide bone-shaped teleportation device to exist on the GLAMPIRE’s earth, so potentially this is a teleportation device that is shot via space rocket to a planet a long enough distance away that typical space travel would not be viable, and then once it deploys on the planet they use the home-side device to teleport to it, saving tremendous resources and potentially lives. This makes sense thematically with the idea of fetching—the device is sent, and then once it’s at its destination, the dogs follow it to its location.
The cast—I have tried to stay as true as possible to the actual creators’ ideas. My own personal suggestions or connections are italicized as necessary.
DING-O – Dingo. Voiced by Nolan North. The team’s leader, DING-O’s methods are controversial and he often finds himself ill-equipped to lead. His power is the Boom Howl.
PIERRE — Poodle. Voiced by John DiMaggio. PIERRE is a rough-and-tumble poodle with an afro and possibly an eyepatch. His power is _____?
ANGELA – Basset Hound. The squat, burly, tiny pain train. ANGELA is a brawler and tracker, and could compete with PIERRE to be the roughest of the bunch. It was suggested that her power is scent, but that’s not really light related? I think instead that she should be able to visibly see variances in scent and heat, kind of like this screenshot from a terrible Wolverine game that I never played: http://www.mobygames.com/images/shots/l/67352-x2-wolverine-s-revenge-windows-screenshot-senses-mode-lets.jpg
NARISA – Weimariner . Master explorer and grease monkey. NARISA‘s power as suggested by cap is Blind Shot – she has an augmented awareness of spatial relations surrounding her proximity enabling her to 1) Shoot enemies behind her back without looking 2) be unbeatable at Fetchball. Given Ding-o’s power, I think this should be altered to have the same effect, but be based off of hearing and/or some kind of dog echolocation.
BEASTHOUND – super-evolved Earth mutt. Potentially the alpha of a pack of beasthounds, who joins the team for whatever reason. His power is laser eyes. I think he should be present (but not necessarily allied) for the explosion of the Far-Fetch, to plausibly give him these powers. Perhaps he scouts out the scuffle between the Lightning and Diamond Dogs on behalf of his pack, is altered and driven away by the explosion only to ally with the Lightning Dogs later.
***I combined two ideas discussed in the episode to cut down on team size, but I think it works. Behold:
FIDO FITZROY – Corgi. The troubled teenage mechanical genius, FIDO is troubled by the group’s being stuck on Earth and at times acts completely contrary to their interests. His power is technosensitivity, and he is able to interface and communicate with machinery in spite of already being a gifted hacker and tinkerer. The group recluse, at one point he meets a ROBOT who is secretly an agent of the GLAMPIRE, who may eventually join the team?
****Given BigBad’s idea of a wolf-race, I think it’s plausible to include a more neutral character that is sent to follow the Lightning Dogs and ends up banding together with them later. Heck, he could event be present at the explosion of the Far-Fetch also to be gifted with the light-bending invisibility that BigBad suggested. Beast Wars:Transformers was a terrible show, but the turncoat Dinobot was awesome.
GENERAL WETWORK – Bulldog “We chose you because you’re the b-bravest, and the b-boldest!” GENERAL WETWORK guides the team from the dogs’ home planet, and hand-selected them for the mission. He is cut off until they regain contact with him some seasons into the show.
WOLFMAN JACK – AI. The team’s dispatcher, WOLFMAN is a radio DJ AI that was recovered by the Lightning Dogs.
GLAMPIRE – David Bowie. The GLAMPIRE is the last true human, the Man Who Sold the World (do you see what I did there?).
HALLOWEEN JACK – The GLAMPIRE‘s henchman. No idea what his powers or abilities are. Perhaps he has none.
I picture JACK as a cross between Tim Minchin: https://www.google.com/search?biw=1600&bih=770&q=tim%20minchin&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hl=en&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&tab=wi&ei=uet5UbrSMq_64APei4GQCQ
and Riff Raff: https://www.google.com/search?um=1&biw=1600&bih=770&hl=en&tbm=isch&sa=1&q=riff+raff+rock+horror&oq=riff+raff+rock+horror&gs_l=img.3..0i10i24.2941.4115.0.4226.12.11.0.1.1.0.87.702.11.11.0…0.0…1c.1.11.img.i5MzNJCIYYU
DR. WARDENCLYFFE / FRANKENRHINE– The troubled doctor is in the GLAMPIRE‘s thrall, and perhaps has been since the world’s transformation. To try and come full circle, I think the doctor should be reimagined by the GLAMPIRE into DR. FRANKENRHINE, to match his vision and aesthetics. FRANKENRHINE could create a robot army, one of which could be the robot in the shape of a person with whom FIDO bonds. Just trying to tie up loose ends.
I picture FRANKENRHINE as Eddie Izzard: https://www.google.com/search?um=1&hl=en&biw=1600&bih=770&tbm=isch&sa=1&q=eddie+izzard&oq=eddie+izzard&gs_l=img.3..0l10.9065.10430.0.10557.12.5.0.7.7.0.70.313.5.5.0…0.0…1c.1.11.img.aXSF-018P6M
most notably his character in Mysery Men:
ROBOT / FRANKENRHINE’S MONSTER – a human-shaped robot that somehow befriends FIDO, and acts as a double-agent for the GLAMPIRE until he eventually (maybe) turns sides for real. I picture something like Sonic’s Uncle Chuck in terms of personality, friendly enough looking but also potentially sinister.
Diamond Dogs – “I encase them in my crystalline web, woven by the glass spiders.”~GLAMPIRE
The original exploration team sent to Earth, the Diamond Dogs were taken and assimilated into the GLAMPIRE‘s forces and twisted into crystalline, misshapen charicatures of themselves.
*****I think to avoid oversaturating the Lightning Dogs, additional characters should be considered for the original Diamond Dogs team. If not for marketing purposes (the Dinobots generation to the Lightning Dogs’ Autobots), perhaps these characters could be the subject of their own episode or season, in which it is
not revealed that they are the Diamond Dogs until the very end. What a twist!
Characters (not yet fully fleshed out or established)
I’m taking the initiative here: STEVE THE GUARD…DOG. Caucasian Mountain Dog. The first to fall to the GLAMPIRE’s magicks.
First off, look at this freaking thing: https://www.google.com/search?q=CAUCasian%20mountain%20dog&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hl=en&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&tab=wi&ei=uO55UcMD0PrgA8rVgKgN&biw=1600&bih=770&sei=ue55UfzUDvP64AO574GIDQ
Imagine that crystalized and bipedal. There you go.
Additionally, I think we should co-opt the TERROR TERRIERS into the Diamond Dogs, using the posited ideas in the latest episode that they are just freaking brutal.
Miscellaneous dog breeds that are unused or could be used for the Diamond Dogs:
Great Dane, Shiba Inu (perhaps ‘ninja’ spec-ops?), Husky, Great Dane, Greyhound (speedy type), Irish Wolfhound, Cocker Spaniel, Kanni, Coyote, Weimariner, Dachsunds, Golden Retriever, St. Bernard Character (suggested name Amadeus), Bull terrier.
Hot Rods & Mobile Base – THE PACK.
A series of kitted out vehicles for use by the Lightning Dogs. Taken from the rockabilly era and turned into something completely metal. Later on, variable modes of transport are accomplished. I call dibs on a gyroscopic, self-propelling frisbee weapons platform.
I think the mobile base should be a giant, weaponized fire hydrant. I’m going to draw this shit up, but check out this architectural breakdown of a fire hydrant and squint REAL hard: http://0.s3.envato.com/files/5914228/590x590_Fire_Hydrant_1.jpg
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